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Weโve all done it โ making fun of ourselves in a social setting, hoping for a laugh or pointing out your flaws to a friend or partner, hoping they will disagree. Unknowingly, we tend to put ourselves down in favour of appearing modest or humble, especially in social settings. As human beings, it is common to care about what others might think of you, leading you to place importance on presenting yourself as humble rather than talking yourself up. It is possible to undervalue yourself to a certain extent as a form of humour. However, doing it too often might be a sign that you are using self-deprecation as a maladaptiveย habit.
What isย self-deprecation?
Employing language that belittles your accomplishments with declarations like โOh, it is no big deal, anyone could have done itโ is commonly associated with self-deprecation as these kinds of statements contain a negative self-evaluation (Sciangula & Morry, 2009). Self-deprecating refers to belittling and undervaluing yourself to make others think there is nothing extraordinary aboutย you.
Conceit is one of the last impressions you want to leave when interacting with people. To avoid this, people tend to downplay their positive attributes or even insult themselves to appear humble and likeable (Plumptre,ย 2022).
Signs ofย self-deprecation
Here are some of the common indicators of self-deprecating language andย behaviour:
- You feel that you donโt deserveย praise
- You are hesitant to accept othersโ praise outrightly for fear of looking prideful orย insufferable
- You avoid giving importance to your work andย achievements
- You instinctively downplayย yourself
Exhibiting signs of self-deprecation includes possessing a negative mindset about your personality, work, looks and appreciation of others. You tend toย put others before yourselfย by making sure they feel good about themselves instead of complimenting yourself and acknowledging your hard work andย efforts.
Impacts ofย self-deprecation
By self-deprecating, joy can be eliminated from every opportunity-major or minor. You may struggle to find excitement in embarking on a new project or celebrating its completion when your default position minimises your valid feelings and accomplishments. There may be a negative impact on self-esteem and self-perception when self-deprecation isย normalised.
How to balance outย self-deprecation
Continuing on a path of self-deprecation can make our unhappiness worse. Self-deprecation can be stopped without feeling shame that negative thoughts haveย arisen.
- Acceptingย compliments
Accepting compliments might be a significant change for you. Contrary to what you might think, accepting praise will not make you appear insufferable. Rather, thanking people for noticing your efforts shows gratefulness and humility asย well.
To break the vicious cycle of constantly putting yourself down, try getting used to receiving applause, flattery, and congratulations. In the long run, this change will benefit your happiness andย well-being.
- Keep aย journal
You can gain much insight into your beliefs by journaling. Journaling can even identify situations or communications where you have made self-deprecating remarks. It also allows you to reconsider your writing and re-evaluate your thoughts. This can help you overcome negative thoughtย patterns.
- Seek professionalย help
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) improved the self-esteem of participants over time, according to psychologists at London South Bank University in 2018 (Kolubinski et al., 2018). Seekingย psychotherapy servicesย can provide individuals with a safe and objective space to be honest, and work toward a more positiveย mindset.
Conclusion
Self-deprecation is a common deflecting tactic we use when communicating with others to avoid appearing too serious. Even though this strategy can be used harmlessly from time to time, it can also affect self-esteem and feelings of self-worth when used too frequently.ย Adult counselling services in Singaporeย could help if you find it difficult to break out of self-deprecatingย tactics.
Overall, it is essential to remember that you can accept praise and compliments from others without needing to put yourself down constantly. Remember to show yourself more kindness and understand self-love as aย process.
References
Plumptre, E. (2022). Self-Deprecation: Harmless Habit or Unhealthy Behaviour?ย https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-deprecation-5186918#toc-impact-of-self-deprecation
Sciangula A, Morry MM. (2009). Self-esteem and perceived regard: how I see myself affects my relationship satisfaction. J Soc Psychol. 2009;149(2):143-158.ย doi:10.3200/SOCP.149.2.143-158
Kolubinski, D. C., Frings, D., Nikฤeviฤ, A. V., Lawrence, J. A., & Spada, M. M. (2018). A systematic review and meta-analysis of CBT interventions based on the Fennell model of low self-esteem. Psychiatry research, 267,ย 296-305.