Why It’s Hard to Walk Away From a Toxic Friendship

Friendships are often seen as a source of support, joy, and belonging. But what happens when a friendship drains rather than nourishes? Many individuals struggle with recognising and leaving toxic friendships, even when these relationships begin to affect their emotional well-being. The attachment can feel confusing, and breaking free is often more challenging than expected.

While most of us understand how to spot red flags in romantic relationships, we may not be as equipped to navigate difficult friendships. The guilt, history, and complexity of these bonds can make detachment difficult.

Here's why walking away from a toxic friendship is often harder than it seems, and what you can do if you are stuck in one.

We don’t want to be the “bad” friend

Sometimes, it can feel incredibly uncomfortable to initiate distance or a breakup, even when it is justified. You might find yourself worrying that you will be seen as heartless, impatient, or overly sensitive. These internal fears can weigh heavily, especially if the friendship has lasted for years or you share mutual friends.

This internal conflict often leads to minimising the toxicity. Thoughts like “Maybe they’re just going through a phase” or “I don’t want to make things awkward in our group” are common. The fear of social repercussions, especially within tight-knit communities or shared professional circles, can lead people to stay silent and endure the emotional strain.

The history feels like an obligation

If you have shared your formative years with someone, whether it being growing up together in school, during NS, or even working at your first job, the bond can feel irreplaceable. You might have helped each other through personal crises, celebrated major milestones, or simply spent years being part of each other’s everyday lives.

Letting go of such history can feel like you are dishonouring the good times. Many people who engage in adult counselling services share how they feel “bad” about cutting someone off because “they weren’t always like this.” But emotional safety and mutual respect are more important than shared history. People change — and so do their capacity to be good for you.

Hope that the relationship might improve

Toxic friendships often don’t start off that way. There might have been genuine care and laughter at one point, making it easy to hold onto the hope that things will go back to how they were. Maybe you have tried to bring up concerns, or even given the friend multiple chances to change.

The reality is, change does not happen unless both parties recognise the problem and actively work on it. It’s not uncommon for one person to invest emotionally while the other dismisses their feelings. And yet, because of this sliver of hope, many continue staying in the friendship, waiting, hoping, and wishing, even when the toxicity becomes a recurring pattern.

Fear of loneliness or starting over

Being alone can be scary, especially if that friend is part of your regular routine. Maybe they are your lunch buddy at work, your go-to for weekend plans, or someone who’s deeply woven into your social network. Walking away could mean reshuffling your life and rebuild your sense of belonging somewhere new.

This fear can be compounded if you are already dealing with other emotional struggles, such as low self-esteem or a difficult life transition. The idea of starting over can feel overwhelming. For some, it may seem easier to tolerate discomfort than to face the unknown. This theme often surfaces in couple counselling in Singapore as well, where one partner might stay in a damaging dynamic out of fear of being alone.

Manipulation and gaslighting

Toxic friendships sometimes involve manipulation, subtle guilt-tripping, or gaslighting. Your friend might downplay your emotions, blame you for setting boundaries, or turn the situation around to make you feel like you are the problem. Over time, this chips away at your confidence and self-trust (Kurniawan, 2021).

This emotional manipulation can make it difficult to recognise that you are being mistreated. You might even begin to question your judgment by asking yourself whether you are being too sensitive, dramatic, or selfish. That emotional confusion is a powerful tool that keeps toxic friendships alive far longer than they should be.

What walking away actually looks like

Leaving a toxic friendship does not have to be dramatic. In some cases, it can be a quiet process of disengaging — taking a step back, reducing interactions, and setting boundaries. In others, a direct conversation might be necessary. The key is to prioritise your emotional health, even if it means disappointing someone else.

It is also okay to grieve the loss of a friendship. Just because a person was harmful does not mean you did not care. Seek support if you need help processing the emotions that come with letting go. Whether it is confiding in a trusted friend or speaking to a professional, healing is not something you need to do alone.

You deserve healthy, reciprocal connections

Navigating toxic friendships is emotionally taxing, but acknowledging the damage is the first step towards healing. Friendships, like any relationship, should uplift rather than diminish your sense of self. If you are finding it hard to walk away or even make sense of the situation, it might help to speak to someone who can offer clarity and compassion.

At ImPossible Psychological Services, we support individuals navigating complex emotional relationships, including toxic friendships. If you are seeking support to explore healthier boundaries or gaining clarity on difficult friendships, we are here to journey with you.

Reference

Kurniawan, L. (2021). Unwritten scars: Gaslighting in relationships. Kata Kita, 9(2), 253-258. https://doi.org/10.9744/katakita.9.2.253-258.