Understanding The Sunk Cost Fallacy In Relationships

The "sunk cost fallacy" is a common psychological concept explaining why people persist with a choice due to past investments rather than present value or future potential. Applied in relationships, the sunk cost fallacy can result in people staying in unfulfilling or even harmful partnerships simply because they have invested significant time, effort, or emotional energy. By understanding how the sunk cost fallacy operates in relationships, individuals and couples can make more informed decisions that prioritise personal well-being and fulfilment.

This article explores the dynamics of the sunk cost fallacy, its impact on relationships, and strategies for overcoming it.

What is the Sunk Cost Fallacy?

The sunk cost fallacy, in essence, reflects a cognitive bias where people continue an endeavour due to previously invested resources, even if the costs outweigh the benefits (Arkes & Blumer, 1985). For example, one might continue watching a long movie they aren’t enjoying simply because they’ve already watched an hour. In relationships, the same principle can lead to persistence in an unhappy relationship because of the time and emotional investment already made.

Research on decision-making underlines that sunk costs are psychologically powerful; as people invest more resources, they feel more obligated to continue (Gourville & Soman, 1998). This is especially prevalent in long-term relationships, where both partners may feel that ending the relationship would render all prior investments meaningless. However, by adhering to the sunk cost fallacy, individuals may lose sight of their happiness and long-term satisfaction.

How the Sunk Cost Fallacy Manifests in Relationships

In relationships, the sunk cost fallacy can manifest in various ways. People may feel they have invested too much to walk away—years of shared memories, financial resources, mutual friends, or even joint property. These elements can blur the line between staying for love and staying because of past investments.

The phenomenon is often amplified by societal expectations, which value perseverance and resilience in relationships, especially in marriage. Psychologists explain that people often rationalise staying in a relationship as a way to avoid "wasting" their investment, believing that enduring challenges will eventually justify their sacrifices (Aronson & Mills, 1959). However, research suggests that this perception often leads to cycles of unfulfilling commitment (Rusbult & Martz, 1995).

Why People Struggle to Overcome the Sunk Cost Fallacy

A range of psychological factors can make it challenging for individuals to break free from the sunk cost fallacy in relationships. One primary reason is “loss aversion,” which refers to the tendency to fear losses more intensely than valuing equivalent gains (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979). In relationships, this might translate to the fear of losing past investments (such as years spent together or shared dreams), which seems worse than the prospect of an uncertain future outside the relationship.

Moreover, people often struggle with "confirmation bias"—the tendency to seek out information that supports one’s existing beliefs or choices (Nickerson, 1998). This can mean looking for signs that the relationship is worthwhile, even if evidence suggests otherwise. For instance, small moments of affection may be amplified to justify staying, despite overall dissatisfaction.

Effects of the Sunk Cost Fallacy on Relationships

Persisting in a relationship due to the sunk cost fallacy can have detrimental effects on personal well-being. Research indicates that people who remain in unsatisfying relationships out of obligation tend to experience lower levels of happiness, self-esteem, and life satisfaction (Rusbult et al., 2001). Prolonged dissatisfaction can lead to chronic stress and mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression.

In many cases, people might justify staying with the hope of rekindling the initial spark. However, without genuine compatibility and shared values, efforts to salvage the relationship can lead to further frustration and disappointment. Additionally, couples who feel trapped may begin to harbour resentment toward each other, which can exacerbate conflict and strain, creating a toxic cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break.

Overcoming the Sunk Cost Fallacy in Relationships

1. Recognise Emotional and Rational Factors

Awareness is the first step in overcoming the sunk cost fallacy. By recognising the cognitive biases at play, individuals can separate emotional attachment from rational decision-making. It is essential to question whether one’s commitment is rooted in love and shared growth, or merely in previous investments.

2. Evaluate Present and Future Fulfilment

Focusing on present happiness and future potential rather than past sacrifices can help shift perspectives. Regularly assessing personal satisfaction, compatibility, and the likelihood of positive change can offer a more objective view of the relationship’s potential. Additionally, take time to reflect on whether the relationship is worth investing effort to improve or if it’s time to let go. This process of reflection can provide clarity and guide decisions about the future of the partnership.

3. Seek External Support

Professional help, such as therapy, can provide clarity in decision-making. Many couples benefit from counselling to address deep-rooted issues and evaluate their relationship with an unbiased perspective. This can be especially useful in identifying toxic patterns or unresolvable incompatibilities. For those considering this path, seeking couple counselling may provide effective, culturally sensitive support tailored to the challenges and values unique to the local context.

4. Focus on Self-Growth

Pursuing personal interests and self-growth outside of the relationship can provide an essential reminder that individual well-being is paramount. Interdependence for a healthy relationship also means that while partners support each other, they continue to engage in activities and relationships outside of the partnership. This approach can help mitigate the fear of loss associated with ending the relationship.

Conclusion

Understanding the sunk cost fallacy and its impact on relationships can empower individuals to make decisions that align with their long-term happiness and well-being. Staying in a relationship purely because of past investments often leads to emotional distress and compromises self-fulfilment. By acknowledging the psychological traps associated with the sunk cost fallacy, individuals can approach relationships with a mindset that values current compatibility and future potential over previous sacrifices. Ultimately, addressing and overcoming this fallacy requires self-awareness, a willingness to prioritise personal growth, and sometimes, the guidance of professionals.

References

Arkes, H. R., & Blumer, C. (1985). The psychology of sunk cost. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 35(1), 124-140. https://doi.org/10.1016/0749-5978(85)90049-4

Aronson, E., & Mills, J. (1959). The effect of severity of initiation on liking for a group. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 59(2), 177-181. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0047195

Gourville, J. T., & Soman, D. (1998). Payment depreciation: The behavioral effects of temporally separating payments from consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 25(2), 160-174. https://doi.org/10.1086/209533

Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect theory: An analysis of decision under risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263-292.

Nickerson, R. S. (1998). Confirmation bias: A ubiquitous phenomenon in many guises. Review of General Psychology, 2(2), 175-220. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175

Rusbult, C. E., & Martz, J. M. (1995). Remaining in an abusive relationship: An investment model analysis of nonvoluntary dependence. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 21(6), 558-571. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167295216002

Rusbult, C. E., Olsen, N., Davis, J. L., & Hannon, P. A. (2001). Commitment and relationship maintenance mechanisms. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 33, pp. 65-113).